How To Connect With Your Spouse’s Children From Previous Marriage
Is the worry about how you would connect to your spouse’s children ruining your wedding plans? Are you worried that you might not be cool enough or perhaps you won’t be able to love them as earnestly as you would like to? It’s time to take a break from these worries and take constructive steps.
Is the worry about how you would connect to your spouse’s children ruining your wedding plans?
Are you worried that you might not be cool enough or perhaps you won’t be able to love them as earnestly as you would like to? It’s time to take a break from these worries and take constructive steps forward.
Don’t Rush To Marriage
Having suffered the trauma of a painful divorce and then bumping into a relationship of dreams, you might be tempted to tie the knot immediately. Hey! Apply the break right there. If your partner also had a recent divorce, it is best to wait and give time. You don’t want to burden the kids with too many drastic changes all together. So relax and have fun! Let them look forward to meeting you as much as your partner. Go for picnics, weekend, playing scrabbles and what not. If you have kids from your previous marriage, it helps kids from both sides to gradually warm up to the idea of living as a family.
Be Their Best Buddy
Don’t wait till the wedding to start bonding with the kids. Share secrets, play pranks, work on studies and even look at sleepovers. Remember if you want to be their favourite parent, you need to start now. Surprise them with sudden visits, special treats, go all out and organise a rocking birthday party! Basically just about anything that can make the child crawl up on your lap and say that he/she had fun is what you want to hear and that’s when you know your day is done.
Don’t Expect To Fall In Love Instantly
Remember this isn’t a fantasy tale. You will not fall in love with your spouse’s children instantly, nor are they going to. Time is the big hero in this entire game. You will eventually become fond of them, love them and care for them like your natural kids. But do not rush. Neither is it fair for either of you. So relax, take a chill pill and go ahead with the mission in hand. Treat the kids with the same respect of expect to be accorded and avoid talking down. See how beautifully they respond. Kids are perceptive by nature and can instantly gauge any discomfort or hesitation on your part. Just go easy and be yourself.
Don’t Be Irrational
Relationships are complex and many a time it can be a source of major trauma, especially with kids. Therefore as they say, ‘handle with care.’ You don’t have to be all sugar or full of bitterness. Balance is tricky but essential. Kids need to be motivated, encouraged and gradually moulded. It is no point unnecessarily imposing on them. Don’t prevent the interactions they have with their natural parents. Always remember they have the right to love both their natural parents the most.
Connecting with your spouse’s child can be an uphill task but not important. Remember Julia Roberts in Stepmom, follow your heart, be true to yourself and see life rolls out the red carpet for you on its own.